In a recent article in the Sunday Telegraph, it was estimated that next year there will be some 16 million single people in this country. Many of these will be single by choice, but a sizeable proportion are likely to be dissatisfied with their single status and, judging by the number of dating agencies, internet sites, and newspaper columns around, (including our Mature Connections service) many are willing to help them to overcome this.
Some people will be looking for companionship, some for friendship, some for someone to share a particular interest or hobby – and many will be hopeful that “something more” might develop. Those advertising and responding seem to belong to all ages, social and cultural groups, so this is not a problem confined to the more mature.
Usually, most people meet and form a relationship with (and in the old days marry) those with whom they are in close proximity – the boy next door, someone they meet at school, college, work, or a social event. However, once past the age when going to clubs and discos to meet prospective partners is an attractive proposition, many will choose the assistance of an outside agency. Young people who are intent upon building a career, or just on having a “good time”, often aren’t ready to commit to a long term relationship when they first meet and fall in love – as most of us did in the 50’s and 60’s.
So when they do decide the time is right, that they do want to settle down, and the biological clock is ticking, they find it much more difficult to meet like-minded individuals – and so use the various agencies that exist to bring people together.
Those of us who are older when we find ourselves alone - through death or divorce - when children have grown and left to establish their own lives and families, and we don’t want to rely on them exclusively for companionship and entertainment – will often be attracted to “lonely hearts” columns and dating agencies as a source of new friends. In fact, a recent survey, again in the Sunday Telegraph, showed that the over 55’s were the highest proportion of people using internet dating sites. Whilst this might be a wonderful way of getting in touch with new people, the advice is to “chat” several times before contemplating meeting face to face, and not to give your surname, address, phone number, or where you work – better to be safe than sorry!
If after “chatting”, or reading the profiles, you decide to take the plunge into the unknown and start meeting people, take it slowly. It’s likely the people you meet are just as nervous, inhibited, and self-conscious as you are. There can also be the opposite: a feeling of warmth, of recognition that here is someone I could get on with, someone I’d like to get to know better. There may even be some “chemistry” and sexual attraction – the added bonus of the mysterious “maybe more” possibly.
The prospect of embarking on a sexual relationship with someone new can be quite daunting for some, or conversely for others very exciting – whether it follows a long and satisfying marriage, or a protracted period of celibacy. Again, I would suggest taking it slowly, as tension and anxiety are the greatest passion killers, and everyone – particularly women - needs to feel safe and relaxed to fully enjoy sex. There may be a lot of self-consciousness about the effects of time and gravity, concerns about medical conditions, worries about performance – all of which can have inhibiting and negative effects on arousal.
Given time, growing confidence, and maybe the use of some of the aids to enjoyment on the market, there is really nothing to prevent the more mature from enjoying a new sexual relationship.
So, if you want to widen your circle of friends, and explore the possibility of a new romance, there are lots of people out there willing to help put you in touch with those with a similar desire. All that’s needed really is the will to overcome your own inhibitions and those of your family, the confidence to go for it and the self-belief that you are worth getting to know.
Why not join our new Mature Connections club and find new friends, companionship and possible romance.
